the 20 Laws of Golf

Law 1
No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This
law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural
tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and,
eventually, a lifetime.

Law 2
Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your
worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the
number of people you tell about the former.

Law 3
Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be
proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the
golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

Law 4
Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does,
the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

Law 5
No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing
partners must solemnly chant "You looked up" -- or else invoke the
wrath of the universe.

Law 6
The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself
as an instructor.

Law 7
Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate
golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

Law 8
Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

Law 9
Palm trees eat golf balls.

Law 10
Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works
against you?

Law 11
Golf carts always run out of power at the farthest point from the
clubhouse.

Law 12
A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone
in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will
consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted
murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

Law 13
All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

Law 14
Golf balls from the same sleeve tend to follow one another,
particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law 3).

Law 15
A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

Law 16
"Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly,
"tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one,
sucker."

Law 17
The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one
who beats you.

Law 18
The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your
score to what it really should be.

Law 19
Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

Law 20
All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until sunset.