Making a Baby

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a > surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father > was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, > I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' > > > Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby > photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. > 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' > > > 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've > been expecting you.' > > > 'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did > you know babies are my specialty?' > > > 'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and > have a seat'. > > > After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?' > > 'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on > the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the > living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.' > > > 'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry > and me!' > > > 'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But > if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven > angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.' > > > 'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith. > > > 'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to > be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed > with that.' > > > 'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly. > > > The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of > his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said. > > > 'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. > > 'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider > their mother was so difficult to work with.' > > > 'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith. > > > 'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get > the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep > to get a good look' > > > 'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. > > > 'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, > too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could > hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my > shots. > > Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just > had to pack it all in.' > > > Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on > your, uh....equipment?' > > > 'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my > tripod and we can get to work right away.' > > > 'Tripod?' > > > 'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's > much too big to be held in the hand very long.' > > Mrs. Smith fainted!